Getting back to normal

The rest of the week:

Gosh. What a bizarre few weeks. Tuesday was the morning after my first night back home and also my first day back at work. Only 5 out of 11 kids showed up and it was a good way to ease back into things. I felt like my life had completely been on pause for the past 2+ weeks and I was only starting to get back to normal. Life also was not completely normal yet. I knew several families that were displaced and lost so much in the hurricane. I think I was finally starting to feel their pain and devestation; my life was on pause, theirs was on backwards mode. Many people had to find temporary, or even permanent, places to live. A friend of mine that was due around this time was staying at her mom in Connecticut. Her apartment was unliveable. I heard she had her baby but not sure where, I have to give her a call. Other friends of ours lives in basement apartments and literally have to start from scratch. People have been amazing about donating things but still, imagine how hard that must be. I feel so sorry for people who have been set back financially, insurance is only going to cover so much. Thank god no one I knew was harmed or killed though we are aware that there were fatalities. But everyone is grateful in one way or another. But many are hurting and feeling very overwhelmed and worried about the future at the same time. I’m not sure if everyone will be able to stay in my community which is sad for some friends and neighbors I have grown to love.

In my own personal world, things were not completely normal either. Although I was grateful to be home with power and cook my own dinner and spend time in my own 4 walls, things were not totally perfect either. Our heat is giving us issues. The first couple of days home we managed with no heat, it was somewhat warm outside. Then it started getting cold. My BIL, who does plumbing and is massively busy now still came by. He is the one who installed the boiler said something wasn’t working quite right. He thinks its due to some work that was going on in our basement (weve been fixing it up into a rental the past couple of months). So at least now its working but you cant leave it on for more than 2-3 hours at a time because it cant regulate. A bigger issue, for me, is that cables are not working which means our phones and Internet is still not working. I am a big Internet gal, that’s how I watch my shows and connect with the world, in the comfort of my own home and PJs. Its hard that I don’t have that option now. I am not a big phone person, but it does help me get through chores and the like and not having it is hard. My cell phone is very old and really limited and not good for long conversations. So I’ve been really kinda down the past couple of nights and have been massively unproductive. I spent a bit of time doing crosswords and finishing albums but more time just playing dumb computer games or flipping through old movies. I managed to do some very basic cleaning and laundry but now I have piles to fold and theres still clothing left on the table from when we were running around from one place to another. I have some bills waiting to be paid. And I just haven’t been doing it. I couldn’t even bring myself to blog offline and transfer the data. I just wanted to do nothing.

I’m allowing myself these few days to veg and be blah. I think its probably a combination of still recovering from the ordeal and not having much access to the outside world. I think as challenging as it was not to be with power, I had something keeping me going and the adrenaline carried me through. Now that the worst is over I’m kinda collapsing and just taking it easy. Sometimes the magnitude of what has exactly happened to myself and so many others I love gets overwhelming to deal with too. I have not stopped eating btw but that’s a story for a different time. As far as no phone / TV / Internet, I think this is something that would be hard for me no matter what. But especially to go from being so socially surrounded by others to so isolated is almost shocking for me. Again, as hard as it was to constantly be a guest and at the mercy of others, there was something very healing and enjoyable about connecting with real human beings, most of whom I’d only be seeing at holiday parties or whatnot. I really got to catch up with and connect with relatives and friends and theres something very soothing and healthy about sitting and drinking a tea with someone and catching up on a random Tuesday weeknight. I think the being with others is something that massively helped me get through all of this. And now, I had nobody. No one online. Noone at home besides for my husband. Some access to people through an old crappy cell phone with limited service. Almost completely isolated. And I am a people person. The contrast has been super tough.  My limited ways to just chill, escape or help me not realize I’m doing chores has been tough. How can I complain, I am warm and at home. Just explaining why its been a little blah. I go to work and just get so happy to be able to surf during my break. For those who think Interent is dumb and a waste of time (which admittedly, it definitely can be) and that we’d all be better off without it, I can attest that its not true. I have no doubt that I’d be more productive and ‘myself’ if I had access.

Ad needs Internet for work, hes having a really hard time without it. He bought this ‘hotspot’ thing which can get you wireless anywhere. It was expensive, $50 for the device and another $50 for the month. But its worth it. So starting late Thursday night we had SOMETHING. It goes slow as heck and is almost pointless for watching shows so im trying to download shows instead.

Because the heat is still on the fritz and because Ad’s friend from a nearby community invited us, we went away for shabbos. Really glad we did even though I would have thought id never want to leave again. But it was nice to be taken care of, not to worry about cooking and cleaning and most importantly not to worry about the heat. Plus we were home since Monday, and as I mentioned, pretty isolated, so it was ok to be with others.

I wanna write some more thoughts on the hurricaine and stuff, hopefully in my next post.