Rest of the day

well i did drive to the cemetary and it was raining. POURING. I was driving through rivers. my cell phone was broken. DH offered to pick up and watch kids so that was a relief not to have them with me. I listened to the funeral and it was good to hear but didnt make me cry. I got to the cemetary and didnt even leave my car because it was pouring. so i sorta spoke to Dad and God and asked for help and to keep looking out for us. It was weird because my mom told me to bring some sort of shears or something because the graveside was totally overgrown with weeds nad plants. But i got there (sans shears) and noticed it was completely clean. STrange.

Got back home. DH had taken kids to library and shopping and i actually had a few extra minutes. He came with kiddies and i told him about the graveyard. he sheepishly mentioned that he was there this morning and gave a gardener there a small tip to do it. I was so touched that he went in the first place without even telling me and took care of it. <3. I felt all mushy and warm and it hit me why I wasnt crying when i heard the funeral tape. As I heard the speeches, including the background noises of a funeral: tissues, sniffles, chairs scuffling, etc, I literally could pitcure myself sitting there. Next to my family in the front row, staring at the coffin. And life was so bleak and hard then. I was single and having a very hard time with guys and dating. Things were a little tough with other family members. I was not sure if or when life would ever get better. And here I am, 8 years later. And yes, its so sad that Daddy's not here. But my life is so much better than it was on that dark day. (BTW, his actual funeral day was beautiful weather-wise, none of this downpour). I'm married to an amazing guy, who despite some disagreements and arguements is really so caring and wonderful as a husband and father. I have two little kids including Dad's namesake. I really think he'd be proud to see what i'm up to and the life i've made for myself.

i spoke to my sister and mom after. And i decided, to prove to myself and my husband i could do it, i'd clean my room. Includign junk in closet and more. And it was grueling. Almost 5 horus of work with little break. And nothing to watch. Thank GOD the Yankees were playing and they were playing an awesome and itneresting 1-run game. When Mariano blew the run in the top of the ninth, i was annoyed but it did give me a bunch of extra innings to clean by! I wonder if i really can clean with NO distractions. I guess but its definitely easier when you are busy. ANyway i'm drained now but my room is GORGEOUS. Clean as whistle, vacuumed, etc.I still need to go through some drawers but man is this progress. Two full loads of laundry were folded and put away and another load started.

so in a better mood now. ready for bed. productive, emotoinal day. thanks for listening.

BTW - for those of you following at home that Yankees and Orioles are STILL tied at 1 in the 14th inning :)